Monday, July 26, 2010

I think you meant...

By Pamela

Nitwit strode to the front of the room and handed in his essay. He’d never written anything longer than a text message before but knew his college professor would be blown away at his mastery of the English language.

Here’s a look at his essay, followed by Professor Style’s comments.

She was the most beautiful girl in the room, and he shuttered as their eyes met. He chanced a peak at her from behind the planter and waded with baited breath. He had honed in on her like a heat-seeking missile since the first day he saw her after class, longing to rap his arms around her.

Could it be her interest in him was just as peaked? Did he wet her appetite and leave her wanting more? He’d herd that falling for an older student was a right of passage for most freshmen. But he knew he was the exception to the rule. Playing hard to get was out of the question, but he kneaded to pair down his enthusiasm or she’d never give him a second glance. Everyday that past maid him want her more.

He’d been tossed into the throws of battle before. This wasn’t his first hayride. He walked up to her and handed her the poem he’d comprised on sented stationary. She read it and fell immediately in love.

Dear Nitwit and trust me, I was tempted to write: Deer Nitwit. Your command of the English language is deplorable at best, but let me try to straighten out this garbled attempt at a story.

 People shudder, houses are shuttered

 People peek and seek with their eyes (remember the double e, as in two eyes)

 It’s waited, not waded unless you’re standing in a puddle

 Breath is bated, not baited unless you’re sucking on a fishing lure

 You home in on a target (like this poor, unsuspecting girl) but better hone your skills first

 Only Jay Z raps with his arms; the rest of us wrap

 Her interest might be piqued rather than peaked, though it’s doubtful

 Her appetite might be whetted but likely not; wetted appetite involves liquids

 Herd is a group of cattle

 Rite of passage, not right

 Bread is kneaded, people are needed and many are needy, like your character

 Pare down the enthusiasm; please don’t pair it and make it double

 Everyday as one word means ordinary; as two separate words it means happening daily

 Passed is a verb; past is an adjective or noun

 A maid cleans; made is a verb

 People experience throes of battle, not throws unless a catapult is involved

 Poems and songs are composed, not comprised

 Scented is the adjective you're after, not sented

 And stationary with an a means not moving; stationery with an e pertains to writing material

Please review my notes and resubmit your essay with corrections.

Professor Style

Nitwit dropped the class and was later found hanging around the local barre, wondering why he was the only one not wearing a tutu.


  1. Poor sod, especially if he starts wearing a tutu to a real bar. Then he'll really be in trouble.

  2. Yes, let's hope he runs better than he writes. :)

  3. Besides his poor grammar, tripped over his cliches. Great post, Pam.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...