Waiting for my real life to begin …

By Julie

How many times have you heard someone use the word "When …" right before stating a goal? I've heard it more times than I can count, especially in the context of writing.

"When I'm finished with (task, event, season of life), I plan to write a book."

"When my kids are (grown, in school, out of school, out of diapers, out of debt, out of trouble … out of my freaking hair!), I plan to finish the book."

"When I finally figure out (what life is all about, what I want to say, why the world is round), I plan to start my memoir."

This blog post is going to sound harsh to some of you. It's not meant to sound that way. Not much anyway.

I've just learned that waiting for your real life to begin means you probably are going to be living your fake life for a long, long time.

I totally understand the demands of life and how hard it is, when it's all you can do simply to exist from day to day, to put time into something that seems ...

Frivolous.

Exhausting.

Scary.

In the last decade, I spent several years as a single-again mom, getting an infant out of diapers and into school, living paycheck to paycheck, wondering how I was going to ever get enough sleep, much less get ahead. Then I spent a few more years as a newlywed, going back to school full-time to get my master's degree while working full-time and still trying to fit raising three kids in there somewhere. Then I spent some years working many hours per week doing freelance work simply to contribute to my household's income.

Somewhere in there, in the midst of all that activity, I finally realized it was time for my real life to begin.

So I started writing a book. Eventually, I finished one. Then another. And I'm still going.

And guess what? I decided I like my real life, and I'm glad I stopped waiting for it to begin.

I've been fortunate enough in the process to have the opportunity to begin writing full-time (but not until we went through our budget and decided what we really, honestly could live without in order for me to do it). I know that one day I may have to return to some kind of job to bring in money if I don't start earning money as a writer and if our circumstances call for it.

I have to be honest. Some days, I think about my other real lives:

• The one where I live in a walkable city – one with great public transportation, great music performed live frequently, great theater, great restaurants, great weather . . . you get the picture. But last weekend, my husband and I decided it was time to stop complaining and start doing our research. We plan to take some of our upcoming vacations in places we believe might come close to that dream so that when it's time, we'll be ready.
  
• The one where I'm skinny again and exercise almost every day and still eat dessert on Friday nights. Several months ago, I started heading that way and have lost about 15 pounds, but I still catch myself dreaming about the ultimate goal instead of being thankful that I am already a little bit healthier and that I can fit back into things I couldn't wear last year and knowing I might meet my goal if I keep on keeping on.
  
• And the one where I already have an agent and a publishing deal and I'm going crazy trying to write one book, revise another, and market another. But hey, at least I'm finishing books and sending out queries (okay, Joan, probably not as often as I should be these days, but I have a master plan, you see).

And baby steps do count, I think.

What about you? What does your real life look like? Are you still waiting for it to begin?

I love this song by Colin Hay (yes, formerly of Men at Work!), and this scene from Scrubs brings the point home even more with a little bit of humor and a good dose of goosebumps at the end. The first time I found the song online, I played it over and over again and some kind of light bulb lit up in my mind. It was about then that I got serious about my writing and started living my real life.

Don't be that girl.

Photo credit: anna qutermuth's Flickr photostream / by Creative Commons License

Excuses, excuses...

By Kim

Growing up I was not a procrastinator. I was that kid who did her homework on Friday night, if I had not already completed it in study hall. In junior high I had a teacher who realized the English curriculum was a waste of my time and allowed me to pick my own books, make up my own writing assignments, and skip diagramming sentences. I would have an A so long as I challenged myself. I consistently earned an A+.

No, I was not every parents’ dream child (just ask Mom and Dad). I was simply self-motivated.

Fast forward twenty years. I had one thing I have to get done today – to write this blog – and yet here it is, two hours before I have to pick up my kids, and it is only now that I have parked my butt in my chair to start. I wish I could say this was an unusual occurrence. It’s not. I wish I could say that I had an excuse. I don’t.

As a stay-at-home mom and writer, I have my dream job. Yet each day motivation takes effort. Here are my top excuses not to write:

1) Answering e-mail related to my book. Yes, there is a lot of it. Last week I arranged to share information about Carl Ahrens with the National Gallery of Canada. This week I am helping an appraiser price some etchings and putting him in touch with potential buyers.

2) Updating my website or my catalog of known work by Ahrens.

3) Two small children who need me.

4) Laundry, errands, chauffeuring kids around for lessons, play dates, etc.

5) I ignore this last one as long as possible, but the reality is that on any given day it looks like a hurricane hit my house. When the muses aren’t speaking to me, I clean.

After talking to my fellow What Women Write contributors, I discovered there’s a lot of procrastinating going on. Here is what is most likely to keep them from writing.

Joan:

1) reading industry blogs

2) reading a novel I just can’t put down

3) watching a movie (for research)

4) updating my Netflix queue

5) responding to e-mail

Pamela:

1) Work: a worthwhile venture that eats up a lot of time. It is writing, though, so I consider it a warm-up exercise--a warm up that lasts all day some times.

2) The Internet

3) E-mail

4) That niggling internal voice that says I’m not that good and am, therefore, wasting my time

Elizabeth:

1) The grocery store – the family has to eat!

2) The dog needs walking. Poor puppy. It’s not his fault I haven’t written anything.

3) I’m hungry--10:30 is not too early for lunch

4) Yoga

5) Miss Manners message boards (for character research). Don’t believe me? Check out AnythingICanJustifyAsResearch.com.

6) The laundry

7) E-mail

8) Did I mention I’m hungry?

Susan:

1) Time management – work/family/kids/pets/writing

2) The old “I got nothin’” syndrome

3) Fear of failure (I’m not good enough to even try some days)

4) Lazy distractions – e-mail, Internet, blogging

5) Not making writing enough of a priority

Julie:

1) Computer problems. Prime example, this week – I’ve spent more time fixing things than writing because my computer is dying a slow death.

2) Spending time worrying about how I am not Supermom and how I don’t do all the millions of things other moms I know do when I could go ahead and use that time to write, which is why I choose not to be Supermom to begin with. It’s a vicious cycle.

3) Trying to read all the blog posts I’ve faithfully RSS'd to my inbox because I’m sure the world will end if I don’t.

4) Travel planning. I love to travel and could, and sometimes do, spend every spare moment exploring destinations and planning future journeys, whether I’m actually going or not.

5) My own writing. Worrying about it – whether it’s good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough – when I could simply be doing it and ignoring all the other girls. Wait, am I talking about writing or high school? J

So, how about you? What are your top reasons (excuses) for not getting any writing done today?