Meet the Real Kim

By Kim

In my last post, I shared details about the handwriting analysis Betty Rozakis did on samples from my great-grandparents (the protagonists of The Oak Lovers). As promised, in this post I will show our readers what my writing reveals about me.

Those of you who have followed us for awhile know that I tend to be the quiet one in the What Women Write group, the one who may appear calm and observant in social situations and has no real difficultly with public speaking, yet who’s a mass of insecurity on the inside unless I’m talking with someone one-on-one. For my own analysis, I hoped to learn what my writing reveals about why I’ve always been so ill at ease in group situations.

It turns out that there may be a reason I’ve always related so well to my great-grandfather, Carl Ahrens! Here’s what Betty had to say. My own thoughts are interspersed throughout in italics.

Old Kim

Kim, you're not comfortable in social situations because you're camouflaging who you truly are and your creative forces. Stop thinking about how you communicate with the external world and focus on your individuality. Only then will you be able to evolve, progress and grow. The persona that you've chosen to portray yourself as is conservative, conformist, and non-independent! (That is the opposite of me. I’m actually quite liberal and adventurous.) You're misunderstood because you don't express yourself! People can't read your mind - stop hoarding it! I don't know how you dress…is it conservative or individualized? (You have a point. If I didn’t know me I’d take one look and think ‘frazzled Mommy pushing 40.’ Not flattering.)

You discuss an isolated childhood. Your earlier handwriting reveals sadness and there's strong evidence that you're still struggling with what you feel you should do as opposed with what you want! This is very similar to your great-grandfather Carl...were you not allowed to express yourself at home as a child? Your lack of self-confidence is similar to Carl’s. (No wonder I’ve always instinctively wanted to defend him even when he’s behaving like an a**! Hmmm…only child, isolated location, lack of appreciation for artistic pursuits by acquaintances, trying to appear perfect and blend in, happiest alone in the woods, quick temper…I share an awful lot of circumstances with my great-grandfather, as well as traits. This could be why his voice comes so easily to me while writing, and why I instinctively come up with forgivable motivations for less than stellar actions on his part.)

You feel like an 'awkward stepchild’ even among friends because you're afraid to spontaneously express yourself. You think too much! You analyze and store up sssssooo much knowledge in your head that you tend to lose perspective. (Yes, I do tend to live internally. Don't all writers do this?) You strongly identify with your family / peer group. (Yes. Family is everything to me.) You seek out adventure then become defensive. (Hmmm…) You're stubborn, determined and goal-oriented. (Me, stubborn? Well, okay, just a wee bit.) You give the impression of confidence, but feel socially inadequate. (Yep.) Your true self is more independent, cultured, active and adaptable. More creative, inventive, and productive. The outside world is the focus of your attention, but you inhabit yourself in the world of thought. Analyze less, observe more! (This explains why many people who know me on-line are puzzled when they meet me in person. Several have commented that I’m not at all what they expected. I sense disappointment and that just fuels my insecurity.)

New Kim

Some of what Betty had to say about me was hard to hear, and a few things I didn't agree with at all, but most of what she observed, without ever having met me, was amazingly accurate. For example, my tastes in many things run to the arty and eclectic, yet I wear T-shirts and cargo pants most days. I forget to put on makeup a lot. My hairstyles for the last decade or so have been ho-hum, low-maintenance, and have not displayed my personality in the slightest. My husband remembers when I’d dress sophisticated one day, theatrically the next, and in artfully ripped jeans and a hand painted (by me) Nine Inch Nails shirt on the third day. That was the girl he fell in love with, and so far he’s welcoming her back with open arms. My kids stared at my new hairstyle with horror – according to my ten-year-old I’m not supposed to look young and hip – but I’d rather have them moan a bit now than discover as adults that they never knew their mother.

I’m starting with the outside, since that’s what the world sees. Hopefully that will project the creative, sensitive, and quite approachable woman I know myself to be. I hope, when this book is out in the world, to meet many readers in person. I don't want them to scratch their heads and say to themselves that I'm much more fascinating on Facebook!

If anyone is interested in learning more about handwriting analysis, click here to go to Betty’s website.